Introvert Love: INTJ, Loving The Committed Girl

Always Uttori, Romance Fashion Look 4. Photo Credit: Mechelle Avey. Introvert Love: Loving the Committed Girl.

For me, February’s approach brought with it a sense of dread as I considered the topics associated with the month of love. Being an INTJ, I really did not want to discuss love, did not want to think about love, did not want to look back on my “dating” life and assess. I just wanted the idea of love and all of that touchy-feely stuff to go away. Now that we are wrapping up February, I find myself thinking about love and romance in a much more positive way. Taking love from the realm of the emotional, and analyzing it from the perspective of the INTJ, has given me a way to view this oft idealized emotion with new eyes. I make no apologies for intellectualizing love because when you look at love from the perspective of architecting your life in a way that makes sense, then your connection to others requires conscientiousness.  I think that, for INTJ females, bringing both the heart and the mind to love is a necessity. We can’t love thoughtlessly,  getting lost in feelings. Nor can we view love as something that is transaction-based, choosing a mate based on who the Myers-Briggs type indicator says is right for us. In writing about love for the blog, I have come to a place where I can now see myself taking that journey from me to we – with the right guy. Before, the idea was daunting. Yet, the process of analyzing connection from a definitively INTJ perspective helped me, and I hope the readers of this blog, to see that, while INTJ females are guarded, independent, and paradoxical, they are also incredibly loyal. It takes time to make it past all the layers of INTJ females. Loving this type of feminine cognition requires respecting her mind, even as you love her quirky, independent nature. Once you make it past all the layers, however, what you will find at the center of that hidden heart is a friend for life, loyal and true.

If the blizzard of words caused you to forget the hows of winning over your INTJ female, what follows is the most succinct of reminders.


INTJs lean toward apathy over stronger emotions. While they are pretty good at reading people, and may think of you as a cool person they could like, they just prefer not to invest a lot of energy into developing relationships with everyone they meet. You must distinguish yourself from others in the way that you interact with your INTJ female. This means that any interactions you have should be positive, and mentally stimulating. Positive reinforcement adds up and tips the scales from apathy to genuine affection. If you manage to intrigue the INTJ, this is a good sign. This is when they start getting curious about you.


Once you get the positive reinforcement going, the next stage is consistency. You can be consistently inconsistent about certain things, i.e. always late to hang out, but as long as you are consistent in your patterns, your INTJ will accept this about you. Consistency of character is important for growing the trust between yourself and your INTJ. If an INTJ can’t trust you; for example, your emotions make you burn hot and then cold, you come across as someone who cannot be trusted because they are driven by their emotions. Emotions are  viewed as highly suspect by “thinking” types because often, those who use emotion as a rationale for behavior, are self-focused, ignoring the big picture (or system effectiveness). Before you can get an INTJ to love you, you absolutely must build trust. INTJs aren’t the type to blindly trust. If you say your favorite movie is one thing then change it the week later (and don’t even recall what you said last week), INTJs will find it hard to trust you, although that doesn’t mean friendship is unattainable, simply it won’t maybe be as deep or committed as you might like.


Finally, to get the INTJ committed to you, you must be committed to the INTJ. INTJs are hyper-sensitive to rejection. They are only willing to share their deepest selves with a select few. If an INTJ chooses to trust you, do not take this lightly. It has often been said that INTJ females are masculine in their thinking. Perhaps the best way to describe this loyalty for loyalty is that it is “Bro” style. You’ve got my back. I’ve got yours because I know you won’t fail me, walk away, turn on me, or put yourself before this relationship. If you can’t love your INTJ female like that,  she’s just not the girl for you. Getting committed to an INTJ means you’re committing to a partnership, a future, and a systemic view of the world.

We hope these special Valentine’s looks (highlighting different aspects of loving the INTJ female) have been helpful. As always, thanks so much for reading, and please feel free to post your thoughts about loving the INTJ female.

Always Uttori, Romance Fashion Look 4. Photo Credit: Mechelle Avey. Introvert Love: Loving the Committed Girl.

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