The INTJ and Romance: Loving the Guarded Girl
One of the most popular searches on the Always Uttori website is about INTJs and romance. This has been the case for some time now. When I see these searches, I can’t help but wonder if the person searching is masochistic, or just very brave. You want to fall in love with an uber rational? Really? Added to the rational factor is that INTJ females tend to be guarded in giving their commitment. While that sounds like something easy to overcome, the sad reality for many men is that loving a woman who is guarded can be very difficult. There are many idiosyncrasies of the romantic process in which INTJs may, or may not, be willing to participate.
Typically most people, even guys, enjoy the emotional aspects of love. It is almost as though the goal of love is the shivery feeling of excitement that accompanies the anticipation of seeing your “crush.” Or it’s the fluttering butterfly wings and uncertainty of being able to please the other with your appearance, or some other characteristic of physical attraction. While nice, those things ARE NOT love. They are attraction. Attraction can get you into a lot of trouble, trouble that rational INTJs would rather avoid. For the INTJ, love is first about a meeting of the minds. Not that attraction and biology don’t play a role, it’s just that physical attraction rarely hijacks the INTJ female’s mind.
But what about biology? All that hormonal stuff, like emitting pheromones, and the creation of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin — the neurotransmitters that make us a bit crazy when we’re in love? Yes, it’s true that falling in love creates a cocktail of chemical reactions in your body, but ultimately, forever love is far more complex than such feelings. For the INTJ, used to setting aside emotional responses for later analysis, the emotions that signal attraction can be overlooked, or viewed with suspicion. If you find yourself crushing on a female INTJ, it’s important to understand that, even if the INTJ female is attracted to you, she won’t necessarily act on that attraction.
Ten Tips for Loving the Guarded Girl
If you’re committed to a relationship with an INTJ female here are a few tips that might help your cause.
1. Practice Patience – INTJ females are guarded because they think differently than many other females. The INTJ may be more focused on getting an
2. Practice Consistency – INTJ females develop conclusions based on patterns. They rarely forget something that you tell them. If you are inconsistent, break promises, or change from one day to the next, you’re not the right person for an INTJ female and you will be marked off the list of suitable partners.
3.Be Calm – For the most part, INTJ females are pretty easy-going. That doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions, but getting upset or emotional is just not worth it for most things. When engaging with an INTJ female, try to bring a calm type of energy with you as INTJ females do not appreciate drama.
4.Be Direct – INTJs are pretty direct people, except when they’re not. In matters of love and relationships, your INTJ crush is probably not going to move things forward for you. If you are interested in a relationship, you will need to be
5. Be Considerate of her need for independence. If you need a girlfriend who admires everything you do, and is always texting you, or at your house, run from the INTJ. INTJ females are great
6.Be Capable. INTJ females value intelligence and capability. It’s just an attractive trait to have. You don’t have to be good at everything. Who is? However, be good at the things that are important to your “mastermind” system.
7. Be Able to engage in deep, philosophical discussions. INTJs get bored easily. Their brains are constantly seeking new data, and if you don’t have anything to talk about but the weather, then you could easily bore them. That doesn’t mean they only want to talk about weighty issues. I could talk about some of my most ridiculous obsessions for hours. Anyone who has ever been a part of a Sherlock fandom will know what I mean.
8. Be Open to an alternative
9. Be Curious – INTJs love to learn. It doesn’t matter whether the topic is random, or deeply intellectual. Learning is one of the key traits of the INTJ female personality.
10.Be Genuine – Refer back to Item 1. INTJ females are very cautious. They don’t jump into relationships quickly, so if you have succeeded in getting to the dating phase, your INTJ knows you pretty well, which is great. Dating means you’ve reached a significant milestone. There are many benefits to dating an INTJ. They accept you for who you are, and don’t judge you for your flaws (though they may have a
To some, it may seem arrogant to offer congratulations. It’s not meant to be. Every couple has to overcome challenges to get to the committed stage. Getting there with an INTJ is just a bit more difficult than it is with most women. Still, let’s be fair, no one wants heartbreak, least of all INTJ females. So, you will be tested, prodded, and tried beyond average endurance to get to the dating stage; but if you truly want the love of this very special type of girl, a girl who is guarded, but passionate once you’ve earned her trust, it’s well worth the effort. Think of it from her perspective, bringing a partner into your plans of world domination can put a real delay on the schedule. So INTJ women are very careful about who they let into their lives. More often than not, like my shirt says: no boyfriend = no problems.
Oh For Fashion’s Sake: