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Loving the Paradoxical Girl
We’ve talked paradoxes many times before; but this week, we are talking about loving the paradoxical nature of the INTJ female. Other girls may be made up of sugar and spice, but INTJ females are made up of paradoxes. Have your eye on an INTJ female, but not sure about loving their paradoxes? Don’t fret, knowing the paradoxes common to INTJs will help you to not only better understand your INTJ crush, but will also enable you to connect with them on a deeper level.
Paradox 1 – Objective/Emotive
INTJ females aren’t known for being emotional. As romance is a matter of the heart, it can be tricky for the INTJ to navigate the feelings associated with attraction and love. However, just because romance is difficult, doesn’t mean the INTJ is incapable of feeling, or even feeling deeply. It’s just that INTJs interact with the world through extroverted thinking (systems, organization etc.), so while they may be feeling many things under the surface, those feelings rarely show in their interactions with others; therefore, the objective/emotive paradox (They feel things deeply, but they do not show, or discuss what they are feeling). Until you have passed a series of tests (individual to the INTJ), you will not be privy to the inner workings or feelings of the INTJ. Trying to force or rush this stage will only garner frustration and create mistrust. INTJs want to know you before they share their inner selves with you. Getting to that point means that you have to spend whatever time it takes (again, individual to the INTJ) being consistent with who you are, and steadfast in your commitment. It takes time to develop a relationship with an INTJ – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just know that if they are in your space, interacting with you, they really do care. Still don’t understand the objective emotive paradox? Explore it more deeply here.
Paradox 2- To People or not to People, that is the Question
We all know that INTJs aren’t really people persons, but if you are one of their people (they’ve adopted you/you’ve made it into their trusted zone), then you might start to wonder if your INTJ is a people person after all. In essence, an INTJ shows care through action. When they care about you, you become something to study. Some might call it stalking, some might call it obsession, but really it is a form of data collection, a subject of interest to master. A vast amount of data must be collected to create projected patterns of behavior and conclusions about those behaviors. Those in turn are used to make things better for the person the INTJ cares about. The perfect gift, suggestions on how you can make your routine more efficient, what to do when you need a pick me up, when INTJs care about you, they’re sort of like that creepy sentient AI who always seems to know what you need in a given moment. This can make other MBTI types, especially those who prefer to be inscrutable, uncomfortable. As for the INTJ, she can get exhausted by all this effort, so she may not always do it, but if you’re looking for signs that you are loved by an INTJ, it comes out in those ways.
Paradox 3 – Unconfidently Confident
INTJs may come across as confident, but only because they know what they know. They also know what they don’t know, and have no problem admitting it. What seems to be more than stereotype is that for most INTJs, romance can be confounding. So don’t just assume that because your INTJ seems confident in other matters, that they are confident in matters of love. This is another one of those areas where cultural gender roles place expectations on women to carry the bulk of the responsibility to develop relationships, but when the woman is an INTJ, she’s often just as clueless as her male counterpart. If you have an attraction to an INTJ, friendship first works well as a path to developing a romance. Because INTJs often feel unsure on matters of the heart, they may not act on knowledge (such as liking you), until they have enough data to make an informed decision, or to execute a plan of action. They may also simultaneously be excited and happy at the prospect of getting close to someone, only to find that, if their attraction seems to be reciprocated or welcomed, they feel afraid, and start to back off. They can also do things to push their crush away – which can be very hurtful if you’re the one being pushed. Yet, when you’re in love with the paradoxical girl, being pushed away, but not told that they’re not interested is a good sign. This pushing away of the relationship is often about their own lack of confidence in how to move forward in the relationship. Consciously, or not, your INTJ crush is testing the relationship. Can she really trust you? Are you really committed? If you can reassure the INTJ that they are loveable, loved, and will continue to be so, your INTJ will regain her confidence, and you’ve won your place in her heart to stay, unless it was all an act on your part, and you change your patterns. Want to know more about the unconfidently confident INTJ female? We discuss the Socratic Paradox as it pertains to INTJs here.
As you discover and become familiar with your INTJ’s paradoxes, you will realize that enigmatic INTJs may be, but human they ultimately are.
For Fashion’s Sake!
Isn’t this the perfect meet the parents dress? Each of our “traditional” Valentine’s Day looks are meant to embody a realtionship phase, and this is the perfect fashion for when you’ve made it past all the trials and tests, you’re certain of your commitment to each other, and it’s time to meet the ‘rents. This is your, please like me, I’m sweet, and normal, and not an INTJ at all dress.
Dress: Joy Envyland, Amazon
I was pretty happy with the price of this dress when I bought it. Then I saw it a similar dress on chef Giada De Laurentiis.
A couple of weeks ago, Hautelook.com offered two slightly different versions, a week apart from each other, but both under design house imprimaturs. I also found this dress on the website, Goodnight Macaroon – all of these dresses were more than I paid, so I’m even happier with my purchase. As has always been the case, these references are not sponsored. I purchased the dress from Amazon, and I don’t get paid to promote them. I have never shopped at Goodnight Macaroon, so cannot vouch for anything, except that they have a similar version of this dress on their website.